Anchorage is one of my favorite gigs. Alaskans are insane and everyone there, myself included, drinks too much. Especially considering this is May and their summer lasts about 9 minutes.
I had bad heart palps before last nights show. When the palps kick in, and out, I get faint. They usually kick in, continue for 2 hours then kick out. Last night they started 20 minutess before I hit the stage. they kicked in and out 7 times during my set. I thought I might die. if I have to die in stage, this is the gig to do it at.
Apparently the word "eskimo isn't PC. ative". They prefer the term "NI was tanked one night, turned to a Native and said, "Are you an eskimo, I've never kissed an Eskimo before." (I am clearly a wordsmith). This earned me a little lip service. My friend told me I could have scored some eskimo pie if I'd wanted it I guess I didn't want it bad enough.
I also met a man missing half his left arm and half his right leg. I have no idea how he lives in such a harsh climate sans limbs. He's a better man than I am.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Morgantown, WV II
The gig in Morgantown went great. I had to do an hour and it flew by.
After the show I spoke with a woman I'll call Carol. She was dressed well and had a nice, plump, (not too plump) figure. She wan't great-looking but attractive enough for road sex while getting divorced.
I asked her to tell me 5 fun-filled fact about herself. She said, "I'm a swinger, that's all you need to know".
For me, sex is like a fly ball. I wont chase it, but if it falls in my lap I'll catch it.
The problem is, I was kinda stymied by her swinger statement and my small talk dried up. She went on to pull out her breasts to show me each nipple was pierced. My improv skills never recovered and I could barely speak. She then checked her cell and left promptly. I struck out.
I DID however catch a classic mullet and surreptitiously snag a photo
I also finally landed this t-shirt which I mentioned in an earlier post;
I think the highlight of the weekend was this classic piss-dribble;
I reeled it in too soon. Keep in mind I'm wearing underwear. This baby goes to my knee. A few drops hit my sock. I need to see a urologist.
After the show I spoke with a woman I'll call Carol. She was dressed well and had a nice, plump, (not too plump) figure. She wan't great-looking but attractive enough for road sex while getting divorced.
I asked her to tell me 5 fun-filled fact about herself. She said, "I'm a swinger, that's all you need to know".
For me, sex is like a fly ball. I wont chase it, but if it falls in my lap I'll catch it.
The problem is, I was kinda stymied by her swinger statement and my small talk dried up. She went on to pull out her breasts to show me each nipple was pierced. My improv skills never recovered and I could barely speak. She then checked her cell and left promptly. I struck out.
I DID however catch a classic mullet and surreptitiously snag a photo
I also finally landed this t-shirt which I mentioned in an earlier post;
I think the highlight of the weekend was this classic piss-dribble;
I reeled it in too soon. Keep in mind I'm wearing underwear. This baby goes to my knee. A few drops hit my sock. I need to see a urologist.
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