Glenville and Morgantown, WV

The best feeling in the world thus far is getting into a car the morning after a one-nighter gig and leaving town with the opening riffs of Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" blaring through the speakers. I also recommend doing this while wearing a tight t-shirt and sunglasses. You'll feel sexy.
This is how I left Glenville, WV, the smallest town I've ever performed in. They have a tiny college here, maybe 800 students. 80 showed up for the gig- that's 10%. My buddy Jeff Oskay and I did the show then went to the town's two bars. He got hit on by a cope' chawin behemoth sporting a mullet, (not ironically). She showed him pictures of animals she'd shot, one of whom was a deer young enough to be Bambi's stand-in. We dodged this potential Penthouse Forum story and wet to a bar with normal humans. I thought it was a mile away so Oskay chose to drive it despite a few beers. turns out the bar was an easy walk. Really easy, like about 2 minutes.

We ate some damn fine biscuits and gravy the next morning. I know they were damn fine because Oskay is an aficionado on them and labelled them top-notch. I lack his expertise but found them delicious as well.
Next stop was Morgantown, WV. The college has 30,000 students and 22 showed up for the gig. The town has nothing to offer and was a bit of a downer. I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt that said, "I "HEART" fat bitches". A delicious t-shirt that offers effrontery on several levels. I thought about buying one but chose not to because fat bitches love me as it is and I don't need more attention from the BBWs. Truth be told, I kinda regret not buying it.